I've somehow been blessed by the algorithm by having my Twitter feed filled with stuff about marriage. I saw something this morning about "marital rape". Now, as a Christian, I look at scripture to see if it has any suggestions about how to have healthy and God honoring marriage. What I see there is that husbands are called to sacrificial love for their wives, and spouses are called to mutual submission. I see Christ using marriage as a picture of The Church. Given those things, I fail to see how anyone could believe that "marital rape" (or coercion, etc) has a place in a Christian marriage. It literally seems like this behavior should be anathema a Christian marriage. Likewise, when I see women arguing that it is acceptable to withhold sex in order to force their husbands to do things, I conclude that this behavior is not what a marriage looks like in scripture. Yet, we're all sinners and we screw up, then we apologize ask for/give forgiveness and we move forward.
But, that's not really what struck me. What struck me is the notion the relationship between YHWH and marriage. It's said that YHWH "blesses marriage". Certainly if we look at scripture we see that marriage is a good thing, instituted by YHWH for the benefit of both spouses. Often at weddings the pastor will talk about marriage as a covenant between the spouses and YHWH, that we don't just make vows to our spouse but also to YHWH. As I noted, marriage is used as an illustration of the relationship between Christ and The Church, which leads me to conclude that YHWH does have strong feelings about marriage.
So, is all marriage created equal in the eyes of YHWH? Is the marriage solemnized by a bush in CO viewed in exactly the same way as one in a church? Is the second, third, fifth, or tenth marriage of one man to multiple wives "blessed" in the same way as that between one man and one women before YHWH? Is the marriage between a 30 year old man and a 9 year old girl really "blessed" by YHWH? Is a marriage where everyone involved rejects the existence of YHWH "blessed" by the very God they deny? Can it really be argued that YHWH "blesses" the marriage of an abusive spouse? Are there degrees of marriages being "blessed" by YHWH? Is a marriage between two atheists somehow more "blessed" than the two atheists cohabitating? Does YHWH really "bless" a marriage where the wife is forced to cover herself from head to toe and lives a second class existence? Conversely, does YHWH really "bless" a marriage where the wife makes money on OF by engaging is sexual behavior for money or on IG wearing little or no clothing? As YHWH mentions, one aspect of marriage is to "be fruitful and multiply". Does He then "bless" marriages when spouses choose not to have children? Does YHWH bless a marriage between a human and a plant, a dog, or AI?
I'm struck by this dichotomy. YHWH clearly speaks through scripture about marriage. He clearly has thoughts, boundaries, involvement, in marriages and chose to use marriage as the very picture of His relationship with His Church. Yet, there is an expectation that YHWH will automatically "bless" any relationship that humans label as marriage, regardless of whether or not that marriage aligns with YHWH's intention or design for marriage.
I personally do not see how YHWH could "bless" a marriage when a husband chooses not to love his wife in a sacrificial and self sacrificial manner, or in numerous other circumstances. Yet, YHWH absolutely can redeem those who do not engage in self sacrificial love and mutual submission, and can then "bless" that marriage. In short, I do not see how a claim that YHWH "blesses" every single relationship that humans refer to as marriage. I guess it's possible that He does "bless" all marriage, but I can't seem how it could be argued that He blesses and abusive marriage in the same way as a marriage based on self sacrifice and mutual submission.
Finally, it should be obvious that I'm not talking about marriages where spouses sometimes screw up. I'm not talking about marriages where spouses choose to do things that dishonor the marriage and their spouse, but acknowledge those things and sincerely ask for forgiveness. No one and no marriage is perfect, yet it does seem safe to conclude that some are closer to perfect and closer to YHWH's intention than others. If that is the case, it also seems foolish to conclude that YHWH doesn't "bless" those more perfect marriages more or differently than others.