Has anyone ever encountered someone who manages to alienate virtually everyone they come into contact with? I think we all probably have.
The guy who was my direct supervisor at work a couple of years ago comes to mind. Every time he came around all he did was point out all of the things that I hadn't done the way he thought they should be. To be fair, he did point out some legitimate things I needed to do better, all of which I acknowledged and improved. At first I really gave a lot of serious though to his criticism, I wanted to as honestly as possible asses my performance and try to figure out if he was right in all of his criticisms. Then I had the opportunity to see how he interacted with one of the other people he supervised for an extended period of time, who was treated much worse than I was. At that point, I realized that we were dealing with someone who just sucked at the supervisory part of his job. He just didn't get it.
I think there are plenty of these types of people around. They manage to offend or alienate the people they work with and even their friends without necessarily trying. The thing I wonder is, do they even realize that this is happening. I tend to see people like this blame others pretty frequently for the broken relationships. It's almost like they are unaware of how they affect the people around them.
As someone who tries to be as realistic as possible with myself, about myself. As well as someone who has some people who I can rely on for honest feedback. What I'd like to ask one of these folks is; "At some point, don't you have to look around, and honestly assess your broken relationships?". It seems like you have to see the common denominator, which is you.
Honestly, I have a great deal of compassion for people like this, it must be painful to go through life with a trail of co-workers or employees who you've alienated and lots of ex friends. I'd be interested to see how people deal with this, and I'd love to know how I can be a person who is a positive influence.
Sometimes I honestly (in the case of my supervisor) just don't care that much and am happy to avoid them as much as possible and be as pleasant as I can when I'm around them. But in other cases I see the pain, anger, frustration, and discord these folks leave behind and I'm just filled with sadness at all of the carnage.
I know that the first, best answer is to pray both for these people and for those they hurt. I wish I was better at it.
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I hear ya. I work for a company that contracts with the US Postal Service. I "work for" postal employees who are in positions of authority. While there are some with whom I work regularly, there are plenty of others who do not seem to understand how to deal with their subordinates in a manner that does NOT alienate. Actually, the people tend to have some serious dislike for these superiors. Now, I don't believe a "boss" is required to be everyone's best pal, or even particularly friendly. But there is some level of respect and consideration that must be employed until such time as an employee proves unworthy. Some, however, think being a jerk demonstrates that they're in charge and doing their job. They're idiots.
Then, there are acquaintances. I have one with whom I've known since high school. I can get along with the guy, but he can also be off-putting, to say the least. He's a world-class whiner. A very self-centered one about whom he believes the world turns. I've seen many people humor him until they can figure out how to part company. The problem is he takes that humoring as a sincere sign of validation. They're not really agreeing with him, they're wondering how they can end their own lives. He's way too defensive to ever really face this issue, as his defensiveness is what provokes his whining and ornery-ness. Now, thankfully, he lives in another state, so he's alienating other people. I feel both sorry for him and quite pleased I don't have to deal with him.
Sad.
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