Many of us once said wedding vows where we promised that we would be there "in sickness and in health". I have had multiple occasions to live through the sickness part, while I would never abandon my wife in sickness, I have recently realized that I could certainly do better. Then I think of Gino. Gino is a friend of mine who's wife was diagnosed with ALS just over a year ago. His response was to put virtually everything else aside and to spend their last months filling their time with as many memories, bucket list items, and family time as possible. I won't go into detail, but I will say that Gino is my new role model when it comes to being a husband and father. I hope that their kids can look back and realize how blessed they are to have such parents.
Tuesday, January 3, 2023
My New Hero
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4 comments:
My father-in-law was a victim of ALS some years ago. His wife mirrored that behavior of Gino.
My wife once had shingles a couple of years ago. It was on her face and scalp and she looked like shit and felt much worse. She actually was afraid that I'd leave her were she to be scarred by it. The thought never crossed my mind.
For too many, the traditional vows contrasting the potential for really, really good times with really, really bad times are paid mere lip service. "Yeah, but I never thought it would get this bad!" is the common response followed by divorce. Our young need to have emphasized what it means to take a vow before considering taking any...especially one which is binding for life.
I agree that I've never thought of actually leaving over sickness, but I definitely have noticed how I still tend to prioritize what I want and resent the loss of my "freedom" when I have to care for my wife. I don't really mean to do so, but it comes through anyway. Fortunately, she thinks I do a pretty good job.
I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. It's a natural thing to lament the unwanted change of plans. But standing in and taking care of business is all that matters. It's like me preferring not to work for a living, but stepping up anyway because it's the right thing to do. Or being afraid of something and facing it anyway because it's the right thing to do and necessary. It's truly putting one's self in a subordinate position for the sake of another, and that's very Christian.
It's not so much beating myself up, as realizing that even when I'm in the position of caretaker, that I often do things based on what's best for me than what's best for her. It's more of a desire to simply do better.
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